There have been a variety of memoirs published by OTDs that
have been quite poignant in describing their journey away from observant Judaism.
For me, the most memorable was Shulem Deen’s honest account. Which gave me not
only a glimpse into why he left but also described his former community of
Skver. Which showed both its beauty and draw… and its warts.
But there is practically nothing written about the journey
towards Orthodox Judaism.
(Except for ArtScroll type books and articles designed and read
almost exclusively by the Orthodox Jewish public. These books are mostly
inspirational stories that make us feel good about ourselves – seeing others joining
us and thus improving their lives. But as with all ArtScroll type book or stories
- anything negative is left out. ArtScroll
type publishers are true to their creed of never saying anything negative that would
put even the slightest negative light on anything Orthodox – even if it’s true.)
Rabbi Avi Shafran has commented on the dearth of such published stories in a
Forward article:
Why is there no counter-flood of essays and books by some of the many who came from other Jewish places to Orthodoxy? Why no vivid descriptions of what impelled them toward traditional Jewish observance? Why no accounts of the emptiness they experienced in their secular lives, or the inadequacy they perceived in less observant ones?
Although he answers
the question somewhat , a far better answer has come in a subsequent Forward article by Julie Sugar, a BT.
She lists her reasons which supplement the 2 listed by Rabbi
Shafran. But these are more than just reasons, they tell you something about
the converts and BTs themselves. Things which many people may not realize about
them. Which make them real people – and not some inspirational and yet unrealistic
ArtScroll caricature.
As Ms. Sugar points out - becoming an observant Jew is not as
interesting as a once devout Chasid like Shulem Deen becoming a non observant atheist.
Publishers want to sell books and the latter will by far sell better than the
former. Which as she also points out has a limited readership. Other than Orthodox
Jews, there aren’t going to be too many people buying that book.
Another fact that is omitted by an ArtScroll type BT memoir is the
fact that past relationships do exist. They do not go away. Non Jewish and/or
non observant friends and family (especially parents and siblings) still have
strong ties. Although not always the case, I’m sure that in many cases those family and friendship
bonds do not go away just because you start keeping Shabbos. Especially if your
friends and family are accepting of you. The things you might say about your
past that led you away from it and into observant Judaism could easily be hurtful
to them. I see that as a major
impediment discouraging anyone from writing about his journey toward observant
Judaism.
And then there are the secret doubts or even regrets a BT or
convert may once in a while feel – even while fully embracing their new lifestyles. She
calls it an ‘imperfect return’. An honest memoir would mention that. An
ArtScroll type book would not.
There are also the many absurdities that even someone raised observant sees. An honest memoir would mention that too – and not
just plaster their story with only the positives of their new lifestyle. As
she indicates, there are Halachic reasons for these apparent ‘absurdities’ that
will explain why we observe them.
But at the end of the day, they are going to seem absurd to most normal people
no matter how well we try and explain them. The excellent example she gives is
not being able to carry an umbrella on Yom Tov when it’s raining.
I applaud Ms. Sugar for her honesty. She tells us why a memoir about becoming
observant is important:
It matters because you are a human being who has gone on an extraordinary journey, and your life is wildly different now than it was or five or ten or forty years ago. You see the world through the lens of this story, and you feel deeply that there is something about this way of seeing — this way of being — that others should know about too.
I would humbly ask her to write that book - warts and all. It would be not only be
fascinating reading – it would contain the truth - which in my view is far more
inspirational than that of the typical ArtScroll variety.
