Rabbi Grylak: Oops - Never Mind!

Typical Yeshiva Beis HaMedrash 

Once again I am disappointed. A  few months ago in a moment of reflective candor - Mishpacha Magazine Editor in Chief, Rabbi Moshe Grylak, put aside the rancor that so often characterizes the Charedi response to the issues now before them and actually had a good word or two to say about the recent elections in Israel. He praised the fact that there are a record number of observant Jews now serving Knesset. Formerly anti religious parties now went out of their way to court Kipa wearing rabbis as part of their lists.

Although still firmly in the camp that opposes current attempts by the government to equalize the burden of army service by subjecting Charedim to the draft… and that opposes the installation  of a core secular studies curriculum, he  definitely seemed to be thawing out a bit. At least as far as the cold harsh rhetoric is concerned.

I don’t know what happened. Perhaps he was taken out to the proverbial ‘woodshed’ by a rabbinic leader – I don’t know! But his latest entry in the war of words against sharing the burden and altering even slightly the ‘no secular studies’ policy in their schools, he returned to the harsh almost vitriolic rhetoric of the past.

Here are some selected excerpts from Rabbi Grylak’s latest editorial  ‘atoning’ (without using that word) for the terrible mistake of thinking something good may come of this new Knesset:

(O)ur gedolim agree that the current situation calls for intense public prayer…

From its inception, Torah study has always met with difficulties, malicious decrees, persecution and plotting...  

Due to this age-old animosity, Torah study has faced countless threats throughout history. The peoples who would rather be left to sleep in peace among their abominations will do anything to silence the voice of Torah. Ever since the Roman decrees against Torah study, burning of Torah scrolls and deadly persecution of Torah Sages have run like a red thread through the chronicles of Torah life, encompassing the entire Jewish people…

When liberal-minded rulers in Europe first proclaimed emancipation for the Jews and granted them various civil rights, leaders in the world of Torah and Chassidus saw this as an incipient disaster, leading to assimilation and the loss of a large portion of Jewry, another form of Holocaust. We have been witness to this sad reality from then to the present day.

The same secret applies to the survival of Torah in Eretz Yisrael.  (emphasis mine)

Those who plot against the Torah world today are motivated by the same animosity that has long stirred in the hearts of the nations. They can’t enjoy their Western liberalism and self-centered individualism in peace, because the presence of Torah gets in the way of a new permissive society unfettered by Judaism. So, sensing where their values have led them, they can only justify themselves by striking out at those who won’t let them sleep in peace.

I think Rabbi Grylak has satisfied his attempt at Teshuva. He echoes the harsh rhetoric of his rabbinic leaders. What happened to the nice words he said about all the Kipa wearers?

‘Shhhhhhh…  don’t mention it. He made a mistake! He’s sorry! He corrected it! Don’t embarrass him. Leave him alone.’

Well, I’m not going to leave him alone. I am going to praise his first thoughts and question his recanting them. In the first instance he spoke from heart. In the second instance he reverted to the harsh words of his rabbis. Rabbis that are still fighting ghosts. Ghosts that Rabbi Grylak says are still here motivating the ‘Torah haters’ they are fighting.

There is one paragraph in that editorial that is very telling:

We should be grateful to Ben Gurion for making army service obligatory on anyone who leaves yeshivah for the workforce. In this convoluted way, young men have remained in yeshivah for decades, thus realizing the dream of the Chazon Ish and Rav Aharon Kotler, who saw it as their obligation to rebuild the decimated Torah world following the war. As a result, a generation of talmidei chachamim has emerged that has immeasurably changed the face of chareidi society.

It seems to me that this is a clear admission that the main reason the Torah world has grown to its current size is not because these young men were motivated by a love of Torah study, but by a fear of being drafted.  

Is he then not saying that this growth is artificial? That not everyone in a Yeshiva or Kollel would be there if they had a choice?  That perhaps they could be more productive for Klal Yisroel and in the eyes of God and man if they developed and used their innate talents for Klal Yisroel instead of burying them for the sake of avoiding a draft?

Not that I think that Rav Aharon Kotler’s goal of rebuilding the glorious Yeshiva world - decimated in the Holocaust is a bad idea. I think it was a good idea. An important idea.  A necessary idea. He deserves all the credit has gotten for it. I actually support the concept of Yeshivos like Lakewood and Mir. I want to see them flourish. Not because of artificially inflated numbers due to draft dodgers. But because of a genuine love of Torah study that generates the kind of greatness seen in the Yeshivos of Europe.

Rav Aharon Kotler’s goal of restoring the great Yeshivos of Europe has more than surpassed his goals – looking at it in sheer numerical terms.  Instead of Yeshivos that have the elite of Torah scholars studying in them (as was the case in Europe) virtually every male Charedi is now studying in them. This is not what European Yeshivos were about. They were not about quantity. They were about quality. Wdo have quality now. But I suggest that the same ratio of greatness in Torah that existed then exists now – camouflaged by the geometrically greater numbers that are in Yeshivos now that are learning at mediocre levels.

If the draft was suddenly abolished, I wonder how many Charedim would stay in the Beis HaMedrash? My guess is that it would probably be a lot since they are indoctrinated to do that. But I think we might just see a significant drop off that would auger well for Charedim as a whole in many ways - not the least of which is economically.

The questions that remain are the following. What is really being gained by continuing to force Charedim to stay in the Beis HaMedrash full time via a draft that exempts Charedim? Is this the best use of our young people? Is the poverty class of semi motivated people that this situation has created really what God wants of His people?

A Crack in The Wall

Yair Lapid and Aryeh Deri - Photo Credit: Arutz Sheva

There are two major issues that the Charedi world in Israel is now being confronted with. One is the draft. The other is the funding of their schools. The new government has promised to severely reduce allocations to their schools if they do not adopt a minimal core curriculum of Limudei Chol (secular studies).

It’s hard to tell exactly where the truth lies. But there is definitely something going on with Shas, the party guided by the rabbinic leadership of Rav Ovadia Yosef. And it is for the better.

According to a Ynet report last week, Shas actually agreed to install a core curriculum into its educational system. That would mean that it will not lose any funding. It would also mean that all Sephardi Yeshivos would be able to continue functioning as they have in their  study of Torah for the vast majority of the day – leaving only a couple of hours for the core curriculum. If that is the case, it is an earth shattering decision. A crack in the wall of unified Charedi opposition to Limudei Chol.

If this were to happen a new era would begin whereby Charedi students (at least Sephardi ones) would for the first time be able to learn some of the basic skills necessary for the modern day job market. Skills that would enable them to go on towards a higher education and even professional schools. 

Not that they would all do that. I’m sure that the Charedi ethic of full time Torah study would still be emphasized and that a core curriculum would be seen much the same way it is by Charedim in the US – as a necessary evil required by the government. While that is still problematic, the mere fact that they are mandating a core secular studies program is a major step forward as it will provide better options for those who do want to enter the workforce at some point in their lives. They will have those skills in their pockets. 

I would hope that even though they would be installing a core curriculum under protest, that they would have at least the same attitude about it that Rav Elia Svei had that there is no Mitzvah to waste your time. If you are going to study Limudei Chol, you may as well do it well. His Yeshiva high school in Philadelphia once boasted a fine secular studies program.

Education Minister Shai Piron - Photo credit: Arutz Sheva

But the the truth is that it is not yet clear that Shas is on board with this. There has been some controversy about a short conversation between Education Minster Shai Piron of Yesh Atid and MK Aryeh Deri of Shas. In an attempt to avoid hatred between the two factions, Piron phoned Deri to assure him that funding will not be cut until a new system that will include a standardized core curriculum will be established for Charedi schools that will not damage the Charedi way of life. It has yet to be determined if this will happen.

Unfortunately the conversation was characterized by Deri as a victory for Shas. That deteriorated into an accusation by Finance Minister Yair Lapid into calling Deri  liar. So much for trying to avoid hatred.

But, despite all this uncertainty, I see light at the end of the tunnel. It seems that Shas has at least blinked. If in the end there is some sort of core curriculum adopted by Shas... that will destroy the so-called unified opposition by Charedi rabbinic leadership to secular studies. The idea put forward that the evil Israel government is out only to destroy Yiddishkeit incrementally - a little bit at a time will lose its validity. Because if Shas has adopted this program it will show that a Gadol is now convinced that this is not so… something which most of the rest of the religious world already knows. Besides - they would have to accuse Rav Yosef of joining with the forces of evil. I do not see that happening.

I don’t know where that puts the Ashkeanzi rabbinic leaders. But my guess it is somewhere between a rock and a hard place. All the screaming and shouting about leaving the country instead of succumbing to the evil decree will be seen for what it is -  an unreasonable fear of the past. A past based on legitimate fears about removing Jews from the shackles of Torah. Where anti Torah forces insidiously wanted to introduce a few innocent core subjects that they hoped would become a slippery slope away from Yiddishkeit. This is what I have called fighting ghosts.

I don’t know whether the current Askenazi rabbinic leaders will change their attitude. My guess is that they won’t. How they will deal with Rav Yosef is an interesting question. But I’m sure they will stick to the program. 

What may very well happen is that a new grass roots paradigm will arise along the lines of a Yeshiva like Marava.  Marava is a Charedi Yeshiva that operates on the American model. They have a serious Limudei Kodesh (religious studies) program and a serious Limudi Chol program. Which is subject to the educational standards of the State. These new schools may not measure up entirely to Marava, but they will measure up to whatever the government decides is a required core curriculum.

It would therefore be a prudent move for these rabbinic leaders to be in on the negotiations of what a core curriculum should consist of. If Shas has decided to go along with this program than I’m sure they will be in on the process.

If this happens the Ashkenazi Charedi world can then have its cake - and eat it too. What will happen is what should have happened a long time ago. The vast majority of their students will get a minimal amount of preparation for a better life – a life that will  no longer almost guarantee poverty. But there will also probably still be some Charedi schools that will not offer secular studies. They will be privately funded. And there will be a lot less of them. They will contain the elite students of Torah with the potential to be Gedolim.

Not that I think they too wouldn’t be better off with a strong knowledge of Limudei Chol. But... one battle at a time.

Now that Shas has (hopefully) come around... this is a step in the right direction which may spark an overall  change. The only question is… have they? Or is all this just talk? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

A Lesson to Learn

Tonight we begin the Yom Tov of Shavuos. This is the anniversary of the day the Torah was given to us at Mount Sinai. Many people have the custom to stay up all night and study it in honor of that occasion. It is symbolized by the giving of the Aseres HaDibros – the 10 commandments which is read during the morning prayers.

One should not underestimate the significance of these special Mitzvos. Not that they are any more important than other Mitzvos in the Torah. But because they were singled out to be put literally in stone.

The 10 commandments can be categorized two ways. One having to do with man’s relationship with God and the other having to do with man’s relationship with his fellow man.

Interestingly the first three are mostly related to matters of belief. One is related to observing Shabbos. And fully six of them are related to the interaction between man and his fellow.  I don’t know why God singled out these Halachos for special mention… or what they all have in common. But I think it is fair to saysince the majority of the laws deal with interpersonal relationships, it shows just how important God treats them.

In an era where the opposite seems to be the focus, one has to wonder why interpersonal laws are so over-looked and taken for granted. Interpersonal relationships should never be taken for granted. No matter how obvious they seem to be.  What could be more obvious than Lo Tirtzach – Do not murder? And yet God made a point of singling this one out as one of ten - writing them in stone with His own ‘finger’.

The lesson I believe is that one should always be aware of even the obvious. Because the obvious all too often does in fact get over-looked. Cheating in business, or on your taxes is rarely if ever the focus of a Yeshiva education. Instead the less obvious spiritual  laws pertaining to interactions between man and God are the focus. Shabbos, Kashrus, Daled Minim on Sukkos (Lulav and Esrog etc.) … this is what we study in Yeshivos.

Just look at Kashrus. There is so much emphasis on Chalav Yisroel, Glatt Kosher meat, Yoshon, Pas Yisroel.  And yet when it comes to Geneiva, there have been some pretty prominent religious figures that have been caught  cutting  corners, lying and cheating on business loans… or even stealing via tax or money laundering schemes. And yet these were people who were very meticulous in matters spiritual.

Perhaps this is why God put these laws into the 10 commandments.  The obvious ones are the ones we tend to overlook. Both in our personal lives and in the schools. The result has been one Chilul Hashem after another.

With the reading of the 10 commandments tomorrow, perhaps now would be a good time for us to reflect on these issues in our lives and see how we might do better, both as individuals, as a group… and especially as parents. There is no more important role model for a child than a parent

And perhaps our Yeshivos would do well to focus a bit more on these issues too. Not only by teaching about them but by Mechanchim (educators) being living examples who go out of their way to behave as honestly as they can in every aspect of their lives. This will not only make us more observant and better people, it will also make a Kiddush HaShem.

Good Yom Tov

Will There Be an Apology?

Among those pictured in a 2010 photo are many of BMG's Roshei Yeshiva

The unexpected happened.  Yosef Kolko was on trial for sexually abusing a boy between the ages of 11 and 14 in religious camp where he was a counselor. He changed his plea to guilty.

The fact that he is guilty is not a surprise since he had already admitted it during a session with a therapist. He nonetheless pleaded not guilty at trial. He changed his plea when other victims came forward.

In an earlier post I thought that this event would damage the reputation of BMG’s (Lakewood) rabbinic leaders. That’s because of the emotional torture some of them put the victim’s father through. His father was a respected Talmid Chacham in Lakewood. When he learned that his son had been abused he dutifully went to the rabbis to report it. Those rabbis ordered a psychological evaluation of Kolko. The father decided not to bring this matter to the authorities if Kolko would continue his therapy. But when he found out that Kolko stopped doing that and was  still involved with children in his teaching position, he did the right thing and went to the police.

For that his community ‘thanked’ him by mentally torturing him, calling him Moser (informer) and completely dishonoring him. Some of the more zealous Charedi citizens of Lakewood published all kinds of nasty words about him. And one very prominent Rosh Yeshiva in New York actually wrote a letter implying that the father is a liar and probable sex abuser himself!... and that Kolko was completely innocent… that it was impossible that he would ever do the things he was being accused of! The family was so harassed that they ended up moving to Michigan!

I don’t see how these rabbinic figures can now live with themselves.  Perhaps they can be given a pass before now since they always seem to find it so hard to believe someone like Kolko could ever do the things he was accused of. Perhaps there might be some understanding of such bias- even in the face of a history of sex abuse by such people in their midst. I know it’s hard to believe that about someone who exhibits exemplary religious behavior and is a popular teacher. The passion involved in protecting Kolko, whom they believed to be innocent is understandable. And viewing the accuser as a Moser may be understandable too.

But now that the truth is out, I don’t see how they can claim to have the higher moral ground here. Nor do I see their reputation not being tarnished. Especially since there is hard published evidence of the emotional abuse they inflicted.

Rabbi Daniel Eidensohn put it well on his own blog last week. Lakewood will survive and no one will do anything about it. But their reputation will be tarnished.

Nonetheless, I don’t see how anything less than a full apology and restoration of the father’s reputation and career in Lakewood will suffice. An apology  by all those who so viciously and emotionally abused him and his family. On this day before Shavuos, there is no better time to do so.

The Maharat: Wonderful Achievement - Bad Idea

Photo Credit - Yeshivat Maharat via the Forward

When I was a young man around the time I was studying for Semicha at the Hebrew Theological College, I had written article in a now defunct local Jewish magazine, the Sentinel. It was in response to a scathing attack against the idea of ordaining women by a prominent Rosh Yeshiva.

I explained that the title rabbi stems from the word ‘Rebbe’ which literally means teacher. As such there was nothing wrong with calling a woman educated to teach Judaism with that title. That was over 40 years ago. Some would say that I was ahead of my time.

But I was wrong and regret writing it. I was wrong because in my impetuous youth I did not understand what I understand today, that something which is not a black and white Issur does not necessarily make it a good idea to pursue. Nor did I understand that breaking with tradition can open a Pandora’s box that will be counter-productive to our future.

The truth is that there are Halachic issues with female rabbis. I’ve discussed them before in essays where I argued against the ordination of women. It is not that I am a misogynist. I personally have no problem with female rabbis. But I would not have any problem counting women into Minyan either. Except that Halacha does not allow me to do that. There are Halachic issues with respect to female rabbis too. Like Serara. While I have no personal problem with it, I have a Halachic problem with it. Women are forbidden by Halacha to take positions of leadership in certain Jewish areas. Like Shuls.

I had also argued in the past that even though women can serve in other areas the way rabbis do (e.g. teachers) the primary and historic function of a rabbi has always been in a Shul as a pulpit rabbi. Leaving aside the issue of Serara it is highly impractical and awkward for a woman to be the rabbi of a Shul.

The primary function of a Shul is prayer - doing so with a Minyan. A woman may not be counted into a Minyan and may not be present in the actual sanctuary of a Shul with the men unless she is separated by a Mechitza (partition). While a rabbi can have a position outside of the actual area of prayer – like in a classroom or as a principal or a pastoral marriage counselor, that has always been a secondary role. Even though there are ways where a woman can technically lead from ‘behind the Mechitza’ and address the members with a D’var Torah from a podium after the service… I think it is safe to say that this is a highly impractical way for a spiritual leader of a Shul to function.

There are also perception issues. When an Orthodox Shul lists a woman as a rabbi a public unfamiliar with the nuances of Halacha on this issue can make the mistaken assumption that the Shul has broken with Halacha.

So while there may be ways to skirt the Halacha and technically not violate it - it isn’t pretty… and in my view undermines the spirit if not the letter of the law. What is gained on some sort of equal rights way is lost by the radical departure from normative Orthodoxy.

Which is the reason I agree with the Rabbinical Council of Amercia (RCA) position on the recent graduation of three women clergy from Yeshivat Maharat.  They have rejected it. In an article in the Forward  RCA President Rabbi Shmuel Goldin explained it as a violation of our Mesorah – tradition: 

“We feel extremely strongly that there is certainly room for women leadership within the Orthodox community, both educationally and professionally,” RCA President Rabbi Shmuel Goldin told the Forward. “We do not believe, however, that it is appropriate for women to be ordained as rabbis.”

Goldin added that he did not think the school was defying the Orthodox community but rather was “moving in ways that are removing it from the normative Orthodox community. It’s not a question of defiance, it’s a question of direction.” 

I completely agree. Calling a woman a Maharat instead of rabbi is an irrelevant distinction. A spiritual leader, a Maharat, and a rabbi are all the same thing. That Yeshivat Maharat founder Rabbi Avi Weiss gave in to pressure- promising not to call his graduates rabba (his feminization of the word rabbi) is really a meaningless gesture. With apologies to William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet - a rose by any other name is still a rose.

I have said this in the past and still strongly believe it. People who achieve proficiency in any area of study deserve to be recognized for it. Gender does not matter.  Women who for example become experts in the field of theoretical physics via study, examination, and fulfilling all requirements of a PhD are entitled to called Doctor – with all its rights and privileges. This is true of any field of study. Including Jewish study. But the title rabbi is more than about being recognized for that achievement. A woman cannot possibly be entitled to all the rights and privileges that a rabbi gets. Not to mention the Serara issue and the perception issues.

I have always maintained that achievement should be formally recognized. But the title rabbi (or its equivalent) is more than about recognition of achievement. I’m sure that the three graduates of Yeshivat Maharat know more than some of my fellow Musmachim (ordained rabbis). But this isn’t about knowledge. It is about breaking with tradition.

Tradition is not the only concern. There are also collateral issues that should not be over-looked. It is a rather well known phenomenon that women have become a dominant factor in Conservative Shuls. If I am not mistaken Conservative Judaism’s flagship educational institution, JTS has more women currently studying for the rabbinate than they do men. And Shuls are increasingly being attended by more women than men.

This is not a good result. It’s one thing to want to attract more women to Shul. Even though a Shul is primarily designed for men to pray with a Minyan, there are definitely spiritual benefits for women praying there too. But when equality becomes the goal it seems that there is a natural disinclination for men to be there. That undermines the very equality that is so sought after by feminists.

I don’t know if the proliferation of the Maharat will do the same to left wing Orthodoxy, the natural home of the Maharat. But it should certainly be a concern.

That said, I definitely think there is a place for Jewish women that are highly educated in Judaism. They can – and already do - serve the Jewish community as teachers, principals, counselors and even as Halachic consultants (Yoatzot). The more they know Jewishly, the better. And as I said they deserve recognition for it. But not as rabbi.

Even though I have much admiration for him, I disagree with Rabbi Asher Lopatin who was quoted in the Forward article. He said that a Maharat is no different than a Rebbetzin other than the fact that a Maharat has more formal and professional training. Yes they have more of that. And they can function in the way a Rebbetzin has always functioned. But to grant them the title of rabbi or any other version of that appellation makes it an entirely different enterprise than that of Rebbetzin. And in my view opens a Pandora’s box that may never be able to be closed again.

Will the Real Charedi Please Stand Up?

Typical Charedi Yeshiva Students

Last Thursday, someone by the name of T. Felik wrote an essay on Matzav about Rabbi Lipman that makes Rav Feldman’s initial reaction to him mild by comparison. Since then R’ Feldman apologized for his characterization of R’ Lipman as a Rasha - although retaining his strong views about how terribly wrong he is.

Mr. Felik has followed that up with another article last week... and third one today! In his second article  he excoriatied not only R’ Lipman but the Orthodox blogs as well - accusing us in varying degrees of all kinds of nefarious motives mostly having to do with destroying the Charedi world. He even made an oblique reference to me - attacking me for daring to ask questions about the words of Gedolim.  He accused me of being Mevazeh (denigrating) some noted Charedi Talmidei Chachamim that he mentioned by name. He even put the word  “Orthodox” in quotes in this reference implying that I am not really Orthodox at all!

I will admit that a few years ago I had made a mistake along those lines in one instance and have tried mightily to never do that again. But it was only because of the denigration by that Talmid Chacham of another that I did so. In my zeal to defend the Kavod of one Talmid Chacham I went too far in my criticism of another. For that I apologized...  although standing by my contention that it was still wrong to denigrate another Talmid Chacham in the way that he did.

Since that time the person I defended has dishonored himself with some very foolish and damaging behavior for a Talmid Chacham of his stature. But that has nothing to do with my original defense of him since at the time none of this was known by anyone – including the Talmid Chacham who so viciously attacked him.

That said, I would like to respond directly to Mr. Felik right here since I do not believe that Matzav will give me a guest post on their website:

Mr. Felik, I appreciate your candor and your explanation of the Charedi world view. I think it is important to know exactly what the Hashkafos of the Charedi world are if we are going to have an intelligent conversation about the truths of Judaism.

I agree with you that there is a woefully small Charedi presence on the internet that is overwhelmed with a lot of negativity against it. And as you have admitted, the internet is very influential on public opinion - including the opinion of many Charedim who access it - right or wrong (...which is why you have chosen to post your views on it. I'm sure you consulted with your own Daas Torah before doing so.)

In my humble opinion, I think that the Charedi world - starting with Agudah - should re-think their position about not having a presence on it.

We need to hear more from people like you so that people can make more informed and better decisions about what living a Torah true life really means. 

Of course I do not believe for a minute that you truly represent what the mainstream Charedi world really believes. Based on personal experience and on the writings of many popular Charedi writers, the vast majority of mainstream Charedim view the world not all that differently than I do. (Although there is some disagreement in some key areas.)

The views which you have expressed so angrily are those of the extreme right wing fringes of the Charedi world. I believe that they  represent only a small minority of Charedim. Unfortunately some of the rabbinic leadership occasionally say and do things that seem to corroborate your definition of it making it sound like the mainstream position.

Another thing. Contrary to what you have been saying - this isn't about our obligation to listen to our rabbinic leaders. It is about whether we should listen to YOUR rabbinic leaders. In your view, it is only those leaders that have what you call Daas Torah. I agree that many of them may qualify as possessing it . But they are not the only ones. There are actually Talmdei Chachmim who differ with your rabbis that have Daas Torah too.

Thankfully (as you not so thankfully point out) the internet is changing how the mainstream sees things. In the interests of finding and promoting Emes, I believe that we ought to have more dialogue between us – and that it should include not only writers like Jonathan Rosenblum, but writers like you as well. 

We must be clear in how all of us who claim to be observant - convey who and what we are. You have been very clear about who and what you are and for that, I applaud you. The only question for me is whether you represent mainstream Charedi thinking. As I said, I doubt it. But the only way to really know is by having a greater presence on the internet as that would promote more dialogue between us.

You add that the Frum blogs should consider not publishing comments. That will only serve to decrease our understandings about each other. It is important for all of us to know just what the other side thinks - and how passionate we each are about our views. The only way to dialogue with each other is to know where we stand and how strongly we feel about it. This does not mean that we should allow nasty comments. But we should allow passionate ones.

Interestingly in your third essay you actually promote the idea of an increased internet presence. Are you too now questioning the decision by the Agudah Moetzes to not have a presence on the internet?  Because if you are, I join you in your quest. 

Where is the Wisdom?

Photo Credit: Yoav Dudkevich/Jewish Press

A short while ago I wrote a post lamenting the fact that there are actually people in Israel who refuse to wear a kipa at their own wedding. They refuse to in any way identify with observant Jewry.  After last Friday, I can’t really say I blame them. If I were a secular Jew seeing what took place last Friday at the Kotel, the last thing I would ever want to do is identify with observant Jewry.

This event is being published in all media including the New York Times.  This morning when I skimmed through the pages of the Chicago Tribune a picture of the event hit me in the face along with an article describing it. The Jewish Press says it all: 

Haredi men are cursing the praying women, and occasionally throw water bottles and garbage at them.  

I wasn’t going to react to this in a post. It would seem like I was gloating after I had written a post just prior to the event predicting that this might happen. I had hoped it wouldn’t. I had hoped that there would be a major Kiddush HaShem with thousands of young women showing up and Davening at the Kotel with tremendous sincerity  perhaps praying in some way for the welfare of family; or friends; or the entirety of Jewish people. But in my heart I knew it would not end well. And unfortunately I was right. I am not gloating. I am sad that this happened. Sad… and angry! When I saw that Tribune article it hit a raw nerve.

This event goes way  beyond any contentiousness about the rights of the women of the wall. I am not one of their supporters. One can debate whether they have a right to do what they do there. But no matter how opposed one is to them, to create a Chilul HaShem in that cause not only undermines their goal, it projects an image to the world that the most religious Jews among us… those who claim to be the most authentic representatives of the Chosen People are primitive savages!

As I said in last Thursday’s post the kinds of protests attract trouble makers. It doesn’t take that many… 5 or 6 people can do things that will make us all look bad. And when I say all.. I mean all of Jewry, Charedim, Modern Orthdodox, and even secular Jews.

I’m sure that there are some people out there who read these articles and said this is how Jews act. And even those who didn’t are certainly saying the this is what Ultra-Orthodox Judaism is all about. If one wears a Kipa the world looking at him will increasingly think of images like the one above.

I have to ask. With all the good intention of Israel’s rabbinic leaders, how could they not see that this was going to happen? It isn’t as though protests in the past never had things like this happen. The fact is that this almost always happens.

How many times were reporters spat upon by extremists in Meah Shearim protesting Chilul Shabbos? How many dumpsters have been set on fire in protests like these? How many windshields have been broken by rocks being thrown at them during one of these protests in Meah Shearim? Meah Shearim is pretty close to the Kotel… literally a stone’s throw!   This is not the first time that rabbis have called for a peaceful protest and violence broke out.

How can they know the potential of violence is real and yet still think that a simple instruction to not be violent will work? Eizehu Chacham? HaRoeh Es HaNolad. Who is the wise man? The one who foresees the consequences of their actions.  

Where is the wisdom?

We have many learned Rabbis who are looked to for guidance by observant Jews. Many of them asked seminaries to empty out and go to the Kotel to protest the Women of the Wall. That is exactly what they did. And look what happened. 

My Last Married Mikveh

Guest Post by Anonymous

The following is a guest post by a victim of domestic abuse. For personal reasons the author has chosen to remain anonymous. She is a religious woman albeit not an Orthodox one. By that I mean that she takes her Judaism seriously – observing many Halachos and keeping many Mitzvos but  would not be considered observant in the Orthodox sense.

I was recently informed by the author that I had posted this before and removed it because of the objections by some that as an Orthodox blog, I had an obligation to post only essays by Orthodox Jews (…or some other similar complaint – I truly do not recall the exact circumstances). I wish to now rectify this.

I have re-read it and cannot remember or understand why I succumbed to that demand. This woman’s story is quite poignant and deserves to be read. Her essay transcends denominational differences. I believe that she deserves both our sympathy for what she has gone through and our admiration for sticking to her Jewish values despite her travails. Although the way she chose to deal with this described near the end of her essay is not in any way a Halachic modality to ending a marriage - I see nothing wrong with what she did either. What is important is the fact that we can all learn a lot from her inspiring words about her experience.

On the morning before Yom Kippur, I immersed myself for the last time as a married woman.  Unlike all of the previous immersions where I was alone with G-d and the mikveh lady, this one was during the day, and in the company of G-d and all of my closest woman friends.  Unlike all previous times at the local mikveh, this time it was at a beautiful lake.  And most importantly, unlike the times when I rose from the mikveh thinking that now he had permission to hit and rape me, this last time I rose to feel freer and cleaner and happier than I ever had before.  And this time I said so aloud, to myself, to my dear friends, and to G-d.

Throughout my marriage, I read books about family purity and even showed my husband the books that the rebbitzin loaned me.  I wanted these laws to help our marriage, to bring us closer to each other during both phases of the month.  But the nature of our marriage never allowed for that.  Our marriage was based on control and fear, and even the most beautiful rituals of Judaism couldn’t change that to a focus of love and mutual respect.

The books I read all talked about how a couple gets closer when they live part of each month as man and wife and the other part of the month as brother and sister.  Much as I tried, this never happened in our marriage.  Instead, he just controlled me or abused me differently during the two phases of each month.  When I was in niddah he constantly reminded me how difficult it was for him to go so long without sex.  He woke me during the night to tell me he couldn’t sleep and couldn’t work because he was so horny.  When I offered to sleep in a different room, he said that it wouldn’t help because it was about sex and not about me.  (It took me years to understand that statement.)  During niddah he controlled my telephone access, my money, and friendships.  But he never hurt me physically.  At least not until the last few months of the marriage.

The other phase of the month was the physical phase, the time when I did not have permission to say no to sex, especially since it  was my “fault” that we didn’t have relations during my niddah.  It was a time of physical intimidation, and often of physical attack.  It had only a bit of the physical closeness I had been hoping for.  It’s hard to make love to someone you fear, hard to sort loving touch from painful touch when it’s the same hands providing both, sometimes at the same time.

When I separated from my husband with the intent to divorce, I asked my rabbi when I could stop attending mikveh, when I could stop counting days and keeping different sets of panties for different times of the month.  He told me he would find out, and that I should continue my usual practice in the meantime.  This lasted about a very long month, but as I neared my mikveh date in the second month of separation, I decided to plan my last immersion, and to use it as a time to mark for myself the end of my marriage long before the civil divorce or the get were even in sight.  When I told the rabbi of my plans, he agreed that this could be my last mikveh.

And so, on the Sunday morning before Yom Kippur I brought a minyan of women with me to the banks of a nearby lake.  The ten of us sat under trees and read poetry, and some of our own reflections on the mitzvoth of shalom bayit, family purity, and pikuach nefesh. A dear friend sang, “I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair.”  We cried and we laughed and then I removed my hat and dress and went into the water in a bathing suit.  I removed the suit under water and immersed in the traditional manner, using the traditional blessing.  Even though I was immersing for new reason ---   I wanted the continuity, I wanted it to have some of the same elements of all my previous immersions.

When I came out of the water it was with the intention that no one would ever have permission to abuse my body again.  I finished dressing, but did not put my hat back on my head.  Then my friends joined me in saying  shehechiyanu for the beginning of my new life without my husband.  We ate chocolates, we hugged, and then went back to my old home and to the place where I’d been staying for five weeks, and we began to move my belongings into my new apartment.  Kol Nidre was that evening and I have never before felt so prepared for the day of atonement.  I was beginning to make teshuvah to myself and I felt that I was at one with the world and with my G-d.  I began the process of making tshuvah with my own body and with the traditions of Jewish marriage.

Rav Aharon Feldman Apologizes

I am happy to report that according to Matzav, Rav Aharon Feldman, the Rosh HaYeshiva of Ner Israel has apologized for calling Rabbi Dov Lipman a Rasha. He did so after receiving a letter of explanation from Rabbi Lipman explaining that he was L'Shem Shomayim and only had the welfare of his community at heart.

Although he still strongly disagrees and calls him a 'Shogeg' (inadvertent transgressor) and misguided, R' Feldman realizes that Rabbi Lipman is indeed L'Shem Shomayim. He also said that he never called him Amalek or Haman. That's true. But he did say that he was a Shana U'Pireish. I guess he didn't remember that he said that.

In any event I give credit to the Rosh HaYeshiva for his honesty, ability to admit making a mistake in judgement and apologizing for it immediately. There is nothing wrong with disagreement. Even strong disagreement. An audio recording of his apology is available at Matzav.

Doing the Right Thing for the Wrong Reason

WoW's Anat Hoffman being arrested at the Kotel - Photo credit - Ha'aretz

Most people who read this blog know my attitude about the Women of the Wall (WoW). Let’s just say I am not a fan.

That said, I don’t think there ought to be confrontation of any type with them when they show up once again at the Kotel tomorrow on their monthly Rosh Chodesh visit.  Many of their past visits ended up with arrests of some of these women. They violated a law forbidding a women to wear a Talis. This is not their only departure from traditional worship at the Kotel. They pray in the manner of men, by not only wearing a Talis, but by reading from a Torah… which is a requirement of the day if one Davens with a Minyan.

A Minyan can only be constituted by Jewish men. Women – no matter how religious or sincere cannot be counted towards that number. But WoW does it anyway.

I am not going to get into whether it is a Halachicly sanctioned practice to do so. For purposes of this essay, let us say that there is probably nothing technically wrong with women doing so. Nothing - that is -  other than breaking with millennia old tradition… and annoying others at the Kotel who find such innovations objectionable and distracting.

I am also not going to go into the motives of these women. I will stipulate that they are all sincere in wishing to use a male modality in worshipping God. Although I can’t help but believe that at some level there is a hint of feminism involved. At least among some of them. But… let us say they are sincere and do not have a hint of fighting the good fight for equal rights at the Kotel. And that they are all there once a month for the purpose of beseeching God for the welfare of their families etc.

In my view, these women should be left alone. Let them pray in peace any way they choose as long as it does not violate Halacha. Should there be a clear violation Halacha, protest would be justifiable. I don’t think that anyone would object for example to protesting a clear act of Avodah Zara at the Kotel. That is of course no where near the case here. Many of these women are observant and what they do at the Kotel may be strange to most observant Jews – but probably technically within the letter of the law.  And now it will be legal too. From Ha’aretz (via the Forward):

The protests are expected to grow even louder tomorrow, following the recent landmark ruling by the Jerusalem District Court that it is not a violation of “local custom” for women to wear prayer shawls at the Western Wall.

This brings me to an article in the Jewish Press. WoW leadership has urged their group to not do anything provocative and has even decided to forgo reading from a Torah this time - although they will be wearing Talesim (plural of Talis). But it seems that there are some people in Israel intent on making an issue out of this:

On Tuesday, as Kikar Hashabbat reported, United Torah Judaism MKs held a special meeting with the deans and principals of the major Orthodox women’s seminaries in Israel, and it was decided to initiate a central prayer service at the Kotel, with, possibly, thousands of seminary students, as they put it: in response to the provocation by the Women of the Wall.

This move is supported not only by Charedi rabbinic leaders but by Religious Zionist rabbinic leaders too. The idea being that there should be no confrontation. Just a sincere and traditional practice by women to recite Psalms and/or ‘heartfelt prayer at the plaza by the remnant of our Temple, the Western Wall’.

I don’t know what kind of reaction these rabbis were expecting. But I’ll bet this wasn’t it:

“We just want to pray quietly and with kavanah (deliberately),” Ronit Peskin, director of “Women for Wall,” told Srugim… She stressed that every woman must come with full intention of sanctifying God in every part of her manner and prayers.

Shira Pruce, Director of Public Relations for then original Women of the Wall told The Jewish Press that she was honored and delighted for having inspired so many thousands of women to come and pray at the Kotel on Rosh Chodesh.

“If women of the Wall has inspired thousands of women to come to the Kotel, Amen V’amen,” she said.

Kol HaKavod for having this attitude. This could end up being a big Kiddush HaShem, but not in the way these religious leaders intended it to be… by showing them up!

Class of high school or seminary girls - Photo Credit: Kobi Gideon/Flash90

Nonetheless, I am opposed to this. I think it is a big mistake. First of all you never know what will happen when two factions that are on opposites sides of a controversy come to the same place – each to make their own point. This is not conducive to a peaceful conclusion. There are always zealots around trying to make trouble. And in the process make a Chilul HaShem. At the Kotel, no less!

I would just as soon there would be no attention drawn to this event. Religious seminary woman showing up in droves in a counter protest – even a peaceful and prayerful one will surely draw the attention of the media.

I don’t see how this kind of publicity will benefit the cause of those who would like to see WoW disappear. It will in fact do the opposite. Publicity like this will only help to perpetuate this monthly event. Which is probably another reason WoW is so happy about this turn of events.

In my humble opinion if WoW is just ignored it will eventually peter out. I just don’t believe this kind of prayer service will catch on with the public. The vast majority of people who come to the Kotel to pray will continue to do so in traditional ways. Although tradition evolves over time, it is a slow process that changes ever so slightly over time. Radical changes rarely if ever become traditional except under special circumstances.

Although it is never a bad idea for a mass prayer rally, doing one for spite – seems like it is being done for the wrong reasons. My suggestion would be to go ahead with it but not on Rosh Chodesh. Let them wait for another auspicious occasion when WoW will not be there and there will be no possibility for conflict. Like on Erev Shavuos just a few days later. Now that would be an event that everyone would support. Including me.